Publisher: So, you have a new young adult novel idea for me?
Agent: Yes sir, I do. It's called "Children of Blood and Bone".
Publisher: Oh, sounds cool. So, what's it about?
Agent: Well, do you remember Zamunda in "Coming To America?"
Publisher: In the movie with Eddie Murphy playing the prince? Sure.
Agent: Okay, do you remember Wakanda in "Black Panther"?
Publisher: Of course!
Agent: Well, it's going to be just like that, but with magic!
Publisher: Sounds great! So what happens in the book?
Agent: Well, it's set in this land called Orïsha where there's this evil king, who had destroyed magic a decade earlier. But now it's starting to coming back, and this underage girl called Zélie has to do this ritual in a month's time with his brother and the king's escaped daughter, who has lived all her life inside the palace, to bring the magic back for good, because otherwise it will be destroyed forever.
Publisher: Really? That's a bit unlikely set of characters, especially considering the scale of what they are about to do, and what's at stake. There wouldn't have been more suitable or qualified people to do it?
Agent: Well, this is a young adult novel.
Publisher: Oh, I forgot!
Agent: But before they can do this they have to have these three magic artefacts, while they are chased by the king's son and his troops. Basically there will be lots of running from one place to another.
Publisher: Why is that?
Agent: So that the book could happen!
Publisher: Well okay then! But I must admit it still sounds quite an overly used fantasy novel plot.
Agent: Oh, it is, but now it's fresh because it's black! Also the world the story takes place in is really cool. Orïsha, the place where the novel is set, sounds and appears like Africa, but isn't.
Publisher: That does sound black. What else is there?
Agent: Well, there's these lions and leopards and so on, who have been domesticated, but we will change their names a bit to make them sound cooler.
Publisher: Really? That sounds a bit unrealistic. (Corrects glasses.) After all, as anyone who has read Jared Diamond's "Guns, Germs and Steel" know the rise of civilization was about domesticating grass eaters, and doing the same with big meat eaters is highly improbable.
Agent: Well, I really haven't thought of that, so I have to ask you to get off my back on that one.
Publisher: Well, I do that then!
Agent: But there's lots of other cool stuff too. And at one point there's this giant arena in the middle of the desert where they have this gladiator type podracing thing.
Publisher: Wow.
Agent: And the best thing is, it's filled with water!
Publisher: Wow. Wait, in the desert? Where does the water come from?
Agent: I don't know!
Publisher: Fair enough!
Agent: But like you said, the plot is pretty straight rip-off from tons of fantasy books. You don't want to stress the readers' brains with anything too original?
Publisher: I sure don't.
Agent: The society will be described very black and white. The king will be really evil and one-dimensional, all the people are oppressed, and the soldiers will be these sexist machos who will try to take advantages with underage girls and so on.
Publisher: Oh, taking advantages with underage girls is tight!
Agent (uneasy): Okay... Uh, I hope you don't mind me saying, but that sounded really... wrong.
Publisher: Now that you mention it, I guess it did.
(Awkward silence.)
Publisher: Oh, speaking of underage girls...
Agent: Sir, I still hope you don't mind me saying but that isn't helping.
Publisher: I mean was just wondering, since this is a young adult novel, how are you going to make it relatable to the market group?
Agent: Oh, it will be super easy, barely an inconvenience. We're going to make the protagonists really immature, annoying, moany and bitchy to each other.
Publisher: Well, that worked in "Star Trek: Discovery", so it should do so here as well. We all know making everyone really immature, annoying, moany and bitchy to each other is the best way to create drama.
Agent: It sure is.
Publisher: Well, how many pages there will be?
Agent: Oh, about three hundred or so.
Publisher: Oh. Could you fatten it up to over five hundred pages?
Agent: Well, I guess I could do that.
Publisher: Great. After all, we all know, fantasy readers won't touch anything if it's not a trilogy with each part at least five hundred pages. It is a trilogy, right?
Agent: Of course it is!
Publisher: Great! But seeing how clichéd this all is, you don't think someone will try and make... say, "Pitch Meeting" parody about it on their blog?
Agent: Oh, I don't think you have to worry about that...
